Following on from my post ‘I’m Bored’ I decided to spend an hour writing a response to Maria Kelly’s Writing Prompt ‘Twilight – Re-Vamped’. Let me know what you think, write your own response and share the link, or give me another writing task!
The Prompt – ‘Write a strong female character in a vampire situation.’
The Time I Dated A Vampire
“So you’re telling me you’re dead?’ I frowned up at my new boyfriend. We’d been seeing each other just two months when he decided to drop that particular bombshell on me.
I’ll admit, there had been signs that something wasn’t quite right. The cultural references for a start… I mean, surely everyone watched Rainbow and Wackaday when they were kids? But I guess if you were one hundred years-old in the eighties, children’s television wouldn’t have been so much of a priority.
And I did notice how cold he seemed whenever we shared a bed … but some people are just cold, right?
But I guess that’s the distinction. Some people are cold. All the living dead are freezing!
‘Well yes,’ Thom nods awkwardly.
‘I think you’re missing the point … I’m trying to explain here.’
‘Well, no Thom, not really, because I’m pretty sure you’re telling me that you’ve already died. That you’re a walking corpse! That you’ve roamed this earth for hundreds of years without aging … ’
‘Yes, but …’
‘No Thom, no buts! This is well and truly fucked up!’
‘But … but we can work around it …’
I stared up at him in disbelief. ‘Work around it? How exactly does one ‘work around’ the fact that their boyfriend is dead?! I’m pretty sure the normal way of ‘working around’ it would be grief counselling … though given the current circumstances, I don’t think that would really work!’
‘Amy, I just think you’re over-reacting a little bit!’
‘Over-reacting!’ I almost shrieked. ‘I’m sorry, but how exactly was I meant to take this news?’
‘Well, all the other girls ….’
I shook my head, angry blood boiling beneath my skin. Only my skin.
‘Now is not the time to fill me in on how many human partners you’ve had!’
‘But what Thom? How well did all these hundreds of previous relationships go for you? I’d put a fairly large bet on the fact that none of them ended up well! Let me guess … they all died Thom? They all got really wrinkly and old, while you remained young and hot … or should I say cold … and then they died! So go on then Thom … what you could possibly have to offer me?’
Thom frowned at me, no longer clueless and instead, getting increasingly pissed off with me. ‘Offer you? Amy, I’m the same person I was yesterday!’
And the decade before that, and the century before that … I remember thinking!
He continued ‘Can you really say you didn’t at least have some suspicion? It’s not really like I’m telling you out of the blue!’
Pissed off wasn’t the right tone to take with me at that point. I mean, for god’s sake, the man had just told me he was a corpse!
‘Oh, I’m sorry Thom … I forgot that was meant to be top of my boyfriend check-list … up there with ‘does he seem to be a nice guy?’ … ‘Does he look like he could be a member of the walking dead?’
‘Could you please stop calling me that? I’m a vampire!’
‘Oh yes of course. Please draw attention away from the fact that you’re dead, and focus on your blood-sucking pastime instead!’
It seemed fighting pissed off with more pissed off actually worked, because suddenly Thom began to back down.
‘Amy, please, just calm down for a second. It’s not as black and white as it seems. Please just let me explain my lifestyle to you …’
I gritted my teeth. ‘Look, Thom … I understand it can’t be as simplistic as the movies make out … but really, please elaborate on how you see this working? Because from my perspective it seems like you’re asking me to give up the future I’ve always imagined – having children, growing old with the person I love – just so that you can masquerade as a ‘normal person ‘and get a bit of affection along the way. Thom, I’m sorry, but it’s not fair on me! And that’s not even touching upon the whole blood drinking thing!’
‘So, what? That’s it then? I open my heart to you … and you’re dumping me for being honest?’ If he’d been able to cry, I’m pretty sure there would have been tears in his eyes at this point.
‘No Thom, I’m not dumping you for being honest. I’m dumping you for lying to me in the first place! You knew how much I’d been messed around in the past. How important honesty was to me … How adamant I was that I wouldn’t get close to another guy again unless I trusted him totally. And you took that trust and threw it in my face! I’m sorry, but ‘not mentioning you’re a vampire’ isn’t an omission. It’s lying about the fact that you’re human! And of all the lies to found a relationship on, that’s pretty much the worst one going.’
And that was the time I dumped a vampire.